At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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