onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
