I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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