did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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