i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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