I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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