Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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