Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
