I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Randomize
