grandma shit on top of the toilet
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
