Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
