now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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