I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He shit in the fireplace
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
