What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
