I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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