Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
