Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
