We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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