Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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