Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
