I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
