It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
