Your tits are I can't wait for
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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