You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
