I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
