So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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