just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
