he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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