Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
