I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
