genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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