apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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