I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
