What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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