the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
