I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
