I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
