I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
