PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She announced her abortion via fbk
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
