he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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