Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
