i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
