Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
