Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i now understand why vodka
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
