I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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