capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
