omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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