I wish my penis had an off switch
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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