I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
