Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
