Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
