Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
