and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The Olympian is in my bed
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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