it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
