i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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