This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
