We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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