Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
