Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
