Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the liver wants what the liver wants
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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