I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
