I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
